The Goodness Factor makes the Ideal Partner  To seek, to wed, to keep, to bed, my sisters!

In all the years, I have witnessed changes in wants and needs. I have seen wishing for a good husband never fails to ignite feelings of possibilities. The possibilities, if I may define them, range from wanting a handsome man to one who is accomplished or maybe just rich or in considering the said newer feelings, men with ‘superpowers’ too! Like a diamond, however, a man is comparable in many ways to its shine, lustre, size, grade, and colour.

To Gen X and Gen Y, I say, aside from that initial chemistry, if the sparks of intimacy and desire is not a constant, it falls to the wayside to accommodate complacency and the settling of vows to a sleepy norm, simply making room for life’s demands. When this happens, married life becomes mundane and perhaps sour, and the appreciation of the traits you once were in love with diminishing to almost nothing. Poof! In all my years, I want to add; this is what I have heard and seen happen the most. Sad, but true.

Let me fast forward to Gen Z from those mentioned above. Hello, you First Timers! I am going to share with you a new perspective, a Sherlock Holmes kind of strategy. This may prolong the fire in that torch of sparks, get rid of your boredom, keep you desired for that new avatar, the man in your life, your Turquoise! From ancient times in Egypt to the Native Americans, the Turquoise is considered a sacred stone of power, luck, and protection. You may want to swap the diamonds for this stone when looking for your partner. Like Holmes, finding that Turquoise will take more than a wish or a hope; it will take Holmes detective skills and background checks and a magnifying glass to uncover disguises if there are any. As every stone has its grades of superiority, the Turquoise is only as valuable as what you want to see in it. Your stone must have that rare quality and consistent power of goodness. Oops! Did that fall flat on your face? Let us bold it GOODNESS! Can you see this quality better now? Can you feel its weight? If price defines value for you, it will take the Holmes in you to find it, and then you will know how priceless it is!

Why do we need this stone, especially when seeking a partner, a companion, a husband, a friend? Quite simply, the traits of power, luck and protection are goodness to an extent, but ‘Goodness’ itself is greater than good. It encompasses and is the embodiment of everlasting and infinite godliness. So, is finding God intimidating? Is finding a god you want to spend the rest of your life with even more so? How about looking for a turquoise the size of goodness, if you were to compare the size to the likeness of God? Impossible, you might say? I found one. Close enough, I kid you not.

After decades of separation, coming together with my special person – let me call him M -- and his embodiment of goodness, made me see the biological makeup of ‘Self- Care’ that goodness is at the core of our being and is the key ingredient to the action and purpose of life. This realization has influenced my actions, especially when it comes to forgiving and forgetting (I seem to do both quite effortlessly now), not judging people, and learning to own and accept a life of choices we make for ourselves. The purpose of relationships is to elevate each other, and goodness becomes the fundamental value for making that possible (i.e. to elevate each other).

It is my good fortune to be deeply involved in this process as I consistently see how my friend and mentor makes it his practice to do what is right, kind, and honourable. By now, I am certain you have understood the essence of ‘M’s’ goodness. It is his modus operandi to draw out the best of life and the best from the people who surround him. A good partnership aims to make the connection effortless and productive and to lessen potential conflicts.

Over the years, when I spend time with my friend, I have often exclaimed “Goodness Gracious Me!” I know my response is not exaggerated. I am awed by the consistency of the practice of his model of goodness. Universally, goodness is further endorsed by the Dalai Lama, who I have had the honour of meeting twice, and the takeaway on both occasions has been that ‘goodness is kindness’, and it is possible to be good and kind ALWAYS! I am a witness to this possibility. It is a good time to speak of a book, recently added to my collection, Richard Wrangham’s, ‘The Goodness Paradox’.

Wrangham’s book is complex, laden with paradoxes. For example, goodness evolved through time and change and levelled to co-exist with evil. In comparison, I choose not to agree too much with his theory of how virtue can also lead to violence. But the book did make it possible for me to see that ‘Goodness’ stands singular indeed and purpose. That it is not ‘secondary’ to our wellbeing. It is the foremost condition for happiness, which gets more defined with goodness mixed in it. Goodness does not have to be a paradox or balanced with evil to know the difference. It parlays sufficiently in action and thought to supersede all evil. Goodness is not elusive. It is an awareness of the natural self. It extends itself effortlessly when practised with self-discipline. Goodness does become easier to see; I must admit if you know such a man with this superpower!

This subject of Goodness has been the focus of religions, philosophies, debates, and speculations, but my profound understanding of it has come through a personal relationship. It takes time to transform and recognize the transformation. Goodness looks for space to manifest itself in ways that it can best be seen and felt but not without the human mind’s conscious effort to propel forward the sprouts of it within us. It is my belief; M has goodness as an inherent trait but works steadily to keep it flourishing. Goodness may well be addictive too and may I say, ‘Cheers to the Power of M’!

My wishes to the Gen Z lot and to all in the path of seeking that Turquoise, to wed and to bed, may you find the multiple meanings the word ‘goodness’ connotates and ultimately may you find your Turquoise. I found mine and Goodness gracious me, I feel good!

About the Author:
Seema Azharuddin,
Senior Consultant, Leadership & Communication, Actor,
Producer, Activist & Journalist, Writer,
Orator – An Empowered Woman in the quest for
needed causes and campaigns.